April 2009
7 posts
The Hardest I Ever Laughed.....
Was the fuck scene in Team America and the scene in Permanent Midnight when Jerry Stahl(Ben Stiller) and Gus(played by Peter Greene) are so fucked up they start throwing themselves into the window high atop a building. The camerawork for this shot was priceless.
A Quick 'Thank You' and 'Fuck You' to.....
The punk-ass neighborhood kids who keep the graffiti blasters employed.
March 2009
39 posts
Good For You!
I’m happy that I have witnessed the girls at my salon outgrow their space of the last four years. They have moved on to bigger and better things. They have even guaranteed that the water at the new place will stay hot while they shampoo my hair.
It’s such a nice feeling to experience this growth. I am living it myself in my own professional endeavors. It’s nice to see that...
Top This Saturday Night, Bitches!!
I will be home and online doing a mandatory 4-hour traffic school course. I have put this mother off for like 4 months and I must complete it by Monday. Whether you are at a bar, a club, a dinner party, a sporting event, a restaurant, a fiesta, a strip club, a rave, or wherever your destination is tonight, do me a favor and throw back a shot in my honor.
Thanks.
The Weather Gods Are Cockteases..
33 degrees right now outside. Two days ago it was a balmy 70 in Chitown.
Fuck me.
"You Can Go Fuck Yourself"
This is basically what a customer told me today. He wanted the world from me and I simply could not justify giving him what he was asking for. Small-time hot dog stand owner on Chicago’s south side. Been loyal to us over the last few years. So I thought long and hard last night about how I could help this guy, within reason of course, and still keep him happy. Apparently he took my offer...
Fuck Yeah Tuesdays!
Some things that happened today:
I was in Illinois, Indiana, and Michigan.
I got winked at twice by a hot married blond named Melissa who moved to Grand Rapids, MI from Montreal, Canada.
The same hot Canadian told me she orders 20-piece Chicken McNuggets from McDonald’s. I don’t know if this admission made her hotter or grosser to me.
I fed a blind man a hot dog. There was too...
While The Rest Of You Are Sleeping Now.....
I will be en route to Grand Rapids, Michigan for an all-day hot dog food show.
To The Midwest Fuckers With Convertibles..
It’s 43 degrees outside. Your top is down. You know you are fucking cold. You are NOT cool! In fact, you are the polar opposite of cool. Technically spring just began. The thick of summer is still months away. Just close the convertible top……..for all of us. You will feel better in every sense of the word.
NCAA idea!
Let’s start a new pool after today so everybody has a chance to win……….again! Kinda the douchebag consolation bracket. Who’s with me?
For Saturday Pondering..
If a pilot sneezes at the exact time he is trying to touch a plane to the ground, can this have catastrophic results?
Major Props Lost at Local Grocery..
So the owner of a small independent grocery I shop at really pissed me off tonight. I walk up to the deli section and I order a half pound of the spicy salami and also ask for a half pound of the chicken breast. The chicken hadn’t been removed from its original wrapping yet, so the owner decides to offer me turkey breast instead. He goes “the turkey is the same price as the...
Three Things On The Mind.
1) I can’t stand the rank perfume this one girl wears in my apartment building. Like a skunk’s spray, it just kills anything within miles. From floor to rooftop, there is no escaping the pungent odor.
2) I don’t think I will ever sit at a table in Dunkin Donuts and talk on my cell phone. I mean think about all the circumstances that would actually have to be in play to make...
There For You Is Here For Me..
Sometimes it’s challenging to begin a tumble. My brain bounces in all directions….so much to say and so many ways to approach it. I mean in just the last three seconds I had thoughts of Dan in Portland, cheddar fries at Weiners Circle, and how in nearly four years of living together, my chihuahua Bruce is yet to speak a single word.
I sit here sippin on a Harp and listening to...
Monday Already?!
I could really use another day to gather myself.
Punched in the Kidney St. Patty's Day Style!
So the cops were just on my floor. There are two 22 year old girls that live down the hall from me. Apparently a guy(maybe a boyfriend?) punched a girl in the kidney and she doubled over in pain, unable to catch her breath. Then this guy takes off all his clothes and jumps in her bed. Punched girl goes on to chuck abusive guy’s clothes into the hallway near the elevator. Glasses are...
Question of the Night..
Would not throwing away an empty carton of a six-pack of beer and simply pushing it further into your refrigerator with a new full six-pack of beer be attributed more to laziness OR alcoholism?
Can You Top This Saturday Stupidity?
So I drive about 2 miles to buy my dog some new bones. After the cute girl behind the counter rings me up and gives me my total, I reach into my back left pocket to grab my wallet. My pocket is empty! Boy do I feel like a real dumbass. This never happens to me. Those that know me know that the two things I am never without is my wallet and my cell phone. Embarrassed, I apologize and slowly...
A Huge Sigh of Relief at 4:50AM.
So I get pulled over this morning on my way to work. No, I hadn’t been drinking. We start really early in the Chitown. I rolled through a stop sign on Division Street and literally a half second later a copper is speeding up to me with his sirens blasting full force. Afer reviewing my drivers license and insurance information, he goes back to his car and I totally think I’m...
Name That Flick!
What movie is this from?
“Have you ever buried your nose in a mountain of curls and just wanted to go to sleep forever?”
It Irks Me When....
To my face people assume something about me that couldn’t be further from the truth.
At Least I Cannot Fire Myself, Right?
I guess a perk to owning your own business is that your job, for the most part, is always safe. I just got a message on our work machine from a Chicago citizen issuing a complaint about how wreckless and fast an employee of our company was driving on Saturday night around 8:30 PM. Turns out the plates match my car. Oops!
Just Once I'd Like To....
Switch places with my stay-at-home dog on a Monday morning.
Just a Pre-Weekend Question.
Would you say you feel closer to ‘cool’ or ‘stupid’ when you pull up to a person driving your exact same make, model, and color car at a stoplight?
Wheelchairs Are Not For Me.
I am so thankful to not be in a wheelchair. I got up very early this morning for work. My gas light came on so I pulled into a gas station, put the car in park, and filled up. I walked inside and wanted something to drink and a small snack to go with it. I grabbed a lemon-lime Gatorade, a bottle of Fiji water, and then made the decision that I wanted Combos. The only Combos I truly love are...
Never Before But Oh So Cool!
So I just ordered shrimp dumpling, vegetable soup, and beef fried rice for delivery. Nothing out of the ordinary—-this I do know. However, what was very far from ordinary was how the gentleman at the restaurant ended our conversation. Here is how the conversation unfolded.
Guy: “Ok, what would you like to order?”
Me: “Shrimp Dumpling.”
Guy: “Ok, what...
I Almost Decked An Annoying Adolescent Stranger...
Holy fuck, was my my self-restraint tested today! I was at Staples buying packaging tape. It all started when I was upstairs. After I grabbed the tape and was heading for the escalator, I walked by a mom and daughter. The girl was maybe 14 years old. She had the loudest fucking cell phone I have ever heard. She was blasting all these new ring tones she was trying out. I let it go and...
February 2009
16 posts
Movie Movie Movie
So I watched two interesting movies over the last 24 hours. The first was Delirious with Steve Buscemi and Michael Pitt. The second was Noise with Tim Robbins and Bridget Moynahan.
Anybody seen either of these?
